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Various Deities Still Sorting Through Victims Of Tragic Queens Bus Accident | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source:
The deities were all unanimous in agreeing that the sole Catholic fatality should be condemned to forever roam the Earth as an anguished, wretched ghost, as Catholicism is the only truly false religion and has no god to accept its faithful when they die.

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the onion considers religious triage post mortem.